Dumb

I can never seem to find the right words. I can never seem to say what's on my mind. Do I think in words at all?

Promises?

So, it's been half a day and how did I get on? The TV is off, this is the second and last time I've been on the computer today, I've sorted out two boxes of games/CDs to sell/throw and I feel like the clouds are clearing from my mind. Success. Now to keep it up :)

Promises, promises

This year my new years resolution was to actually have the baby (she turned up sixteen days late). So now's the time to make a proper one. I always make impossible resolutions e.g. you might notice a few posts back I vowed to make/photograph a piece of jewellery every day. It takes hours to do this - at least two or three. And I knew already I'd be looking after a newborn. I can't emphasise enough how time consuming it is caring for a baby. And somehow I've become this 'house wife' and have started cleaning and getting in the kitchen and making sandwiches. Ha. I told myself I'd Wii Fit it half an hour every day and I haven't even managed to do that.

I think my house is too cluttered and full of all that junk I don't really need or want. I think life would be a lot easier, a lot more efficient if there wasn't so much junk all over the place. I mean, I have ornaments friggin everywhere. It takes so long to dust everything off that I never want to do it. It think my mind is too cluttered too. Information overload. There's so much information and stuff available out there on the net that I'm always seeking something out to look at, even though usually it's just a complete waste of time. I'm spending all this time doing stupid things I don't need to do, just for the sake of doing them. Same goes for watching TV. It's on all the time, and my original excuse was to teach Katie that the day time is noisy and for being awake . Now I find myself just watching all kinds of stuff, even stuff I've seen before, even stuff I've got on DVD! I watch all the ad breaks and everything, insane.

So, my new years resolution:

1. Cleaner desktop
2. Less checking and rechecking of Facebook/feeds/forums
3. Less looking at news websites
4. Less watching TV just for the sake of it
5. Throw/sell/donate more stuff that I don't want/need
   

Go!

Living in the moment

As a notorious worrier, I'm fast learning that it's better to live in the moment than to worry about next week, next month, next year. My little girl is growing fast and developing skills faster, so I'm having to remind myself to appreciate what's going on with her in the day-to-day rather than search for the next milestone and get too excited about a few months or years time when she's doing things she's not doing yet right now.

I think it's important to live day-to-day, not comparing days to other days, especially when you have a baby. One day might be a bad day where nothings going right, your baby has thrown up on you twice, on dry clean only clothes (learned my lesson there!), she's crying when you try to get her to drink and she just won't sleep at the end of the day. The next day might go smoothly, and you actually manage to have breakfast. I think it's really important to take every thing as it comes, and just live in the moment. But I also think that it's really easy to get stuck in a rut this way, to not make plans for the future and to let everything go. So where do you draw the line? How do you find the balance between actually living life (living in the moment), and making things happen (planning life)?

Bumbling along - baby bedtime

Who would have thought a four week old would be reluctant to go to bed? We'd got into a bad pattern of putting her to bed for the night at around midnight, simply because we were still learning the ropes and getting to grips with our own sleep deprivation and keeping the house running at the same time. Both me and Katie had ended up sleeping til around mid-day (with the feeds in between of course). So I decided that 8pm would be the latest bedtime would be, depending on when the feed was around that time. We found her very reluctant to sleep, and she'd stay awake for ages in her cot, crying on and off. Things seem to be clearing up now though, God bless whoever invented the Johnsons bedtime lotion! Not only does it help clear up her flaky flaky skin from being in the womb too long, but she seems to respond well to the relaxing qualities. I sound like I'm selling the stuff don't I? We actually had a random night this week where she slept through the night for five hours straight. I felt so refreshed in the morning! Bad mother I am... I'm looking forward to a long stretch of uninterrupted sleep on Sunday when my Mom is babysitting! I guess you've got to every once in a while, there's only so long you can go just having two hour stretches of sleep before you go completely insane. Especially since I was getting used to having 9 hours+ sleep a night when I was pregnant. Ahh well, time to go and enjoy the peace and quiet while the little lady sleeps.

Happy face

Our little girl smiled for the first time today. She's four weeks old tomorrow, although if she'd have been born on time, she'd have been six weeks old yesterday. I'd been doing the old routine, feed, wind, change nappy. I put her in her bouncer and started the silly baby talk and suddenly she beamed at me. I couldn't find the camera in time, but I'm sure she'll smile again :) Nothing in the world could melt your heart more!

Back in the Drivers Seat

I'm the only one who drives in our household, since one of us is still learning to drive and the other one is only three weeks old. I had SPD during my pregnancy, which got quite bad towards the end. Basically it causes pain around the hips and pelvis and made it difficult for me to walk, let alone drive, which meant that I hadn't driven for around four months... until today! It's a miracle my car even started after that long, and it's amazing how much you feel like you've forgotten after that length of time. I'm used to the car feeling like an extension of my body, like you sort of just flow along the road. Getting back in the car gave me that I'm-driving-a-giant-tank feeling that you get when you start to learn to drive. We made a little trip down to Ikea in the next town, and by the time I was pulling back onto our driveway, I'd got that wonderful feeling back, I can still drive after all! It was also the first time we'd taken Katie out without someone else to help us, since we'd been relying on other people to take us everywhere. It actually went quite smoothly, and she slept through :)

Welcome to the world, Katie Sofia

I moaned enough about being overdue! She eventually arrived (with a little help) sixteen days late, at 1.40am Monday 17th January. It's been a bit of a shock to be honest, I don't think there is anyone out there that can say they weren't a little overwhelmed at the beginning. It's true what they say though, it all gets easier with time, and she's three weeks old today. She's quite grown-up already for a newborn. She was 8lb 13oz when she was born, and grows more every day. She managed to roll from her front to her back at only eighteen days old! I'm so proud of her!